Other Thoughts: The Deluxe Version
Gaby and Perrye on IR with Upper Body Injury: stressed induced crying in the club.
Hello Dearies,
We missed y’all! We took a little break because, unlike hockey players who think it’s cute to play through an injury (hey Sean!), we recognized that sometimes we gotta regroup and reset.
A little update on our lives: Perrye moved and is currently engaged in warfare with her new IKEA furniture and “writing” her thesis. The quotations are super important because it’s doubtful that she will finish her MA with the way God is playing her. She’s also been grading a couple of hundred assignments, no biggie!
Gaby is getting her ass whooped by school per usual and simultaneously working on THWL and like two other projects. The good news is that she went on a second vacation after the first one she took earlier this year (since 2018!!) started with lost luggage and ended up with her crying in the parking lot of a Central Florida Walmart (it’s hilarious *now*, I promise - Gaby).
April has been rough, but things are looking up! We’ve been having so much fun with THWL, so we took time off to map out what we hope to do for the rest of the year.
Since it’s been a minute, this week’s newsletter is a little different - We’re honouring the spirit of our tagline “two haters with thoughts too long to be tweeted.” So much has happened, and we needed y’all to know we have opinions.
The Martisnow Cinematic Universe
Okay, there is more Real Hockey Content below, but I (Perrye) feel like the people need to know.
Recently, I was busy doing research, aka reading the hockey gossip Tumblr, when I came across the most exciting story. Over the past couple of months, they have been posting about a mysterious Instagram account of someone claiming to be dating Jonathan Toews for many years. Recently it came out that they were engaged! Ms. MartiSnow has an answer for everything and will not give up the schtick even though multiple people proved that they were a fraud! It’s a true commitment involving an elaborate backstory and multiple accounts in which they also apparently work for NBC Sports. Honestly, I can respect the delusion and hustle. They keep me entertained, which is more than I can say for many of these players.
I would like to point out that this is prime material for Gaby, who has just fully embraced her role as the Blackhawk’s most knowledgeable hater (please look out for the intervention invitations soon). However, she’s on a gossip break and refuses to engage since she scared herself into believing that the Universe was gonna make her pay for having a little too much schadenfreude. We should probably expect an in-depth analysis at some point though, lol.
NHLPA Cozen O’Connor Report
After a mysterious server failure, the NHLPA released the findings of the independent investigation done by Cozen O’Connor on the association’s handling of the Kyle Beach case. From the get-go, we knew we were in for a mess when the report was released on Good Friday at 4 pm - one of the slowest news-times possible. The report itself paled in comparison to the thoroughness of the Jenner and Block report, and the “findings” would be laughable if they weren’t so enraging. The full statement can be found below, but TLDR: The report found that there was no individual wrongdoing or systemic failure. It was just a series of misunderstandings and miscommunications.
In accordance with the decision of the Executive Board, the NHLPA has made public the independent review of Cozen O'Connor. Full report available here: cdn.nhlpa.com/img/assets/fil…
Our first thought is that they should have never given you bitches the word “systemic”!!! We don’t know how to say in more straightforward terms that “misunderstanding and miscommunications” when mishandling such a severe issue is literally what systemic failures are. The systems (or lack of) put in place failed to protect players - as was the case for Kyle Beach and the other victims.
It’s also shameful that the NHLPA Executive Board chose to keep the recommendations by the firm secret. Continuing to protect the leaders of the organisations who continue to fail them serves no other purpose than allowing the conditions in which abuse has flourished to continue. They should have cleaned the house a while ago.
We’ll probably come back to this one as it starts making the news rounds this week.
The various happenings in Women’s Hockey
We don’t mean to be like major publications that only talk about Women’s Hockey during the Olympics or when there is a mess afoot. We both have a very complicated relationship with that side of the sport - mainly because we see it replicating many of the cultural norms we hate in men’s hockey. However, Hockey isn’t just the NHL, and in our efforts to expand, we’re going to try to be more inclusive. That is, everybody can get dragged. Here’s what we’ve been talking about the most:
Anya Packer not renewing her contract + The Riveters Hiring Digit Murphy
The Ice Garden reported that Digit Murphy, president of and director of player personnel with the Toronto Six, would be joining the Riveters as their president for season 8. A couple of days later, Anya Packer announced that she wouldn’t renew her contract as the team’s General Manager. Many staff members followed Anya’s lead and also decided to quit.
So: 1. Digit Murphy reportedly President of the Riveters. 2. Anya Packer stepped down as GM. 3. As a result of 1+2, the team's entire stats staff left. 4. PR person leaves 'due to fundamentally different priorities w/ new leadership.' I hear more departures coming, too. #PHFHowever, the news didn’t come as a surprise to us. We know a lot of folks in women’s hockey, and from what we’ve heard, the Riveters’ locker room wasn’t always the healthiest. Allegedly, there were quite a few accusations of racism and transphobia. We can’t say that we think Digit Murphy’s hiring is gonna do anything to fix said alleged culture. The vibes are bad.
The PWHPA is starting a new league.
Though nothing has been officially confirmed, details have emerged that the PWHPA will be starting a new league in 2023. The league will feature six teams in Canada and the US, with a 32-game season beginning in January. With a base salary of $35k and an average salary of $55k, things are looking promising if it comes to fruition.
As I reported on Hockey Night in Canada tonight some details on the new PWHPA league. - 6 team league in both Canada and the U.S - January – April 2023 - 23 skaters/team - $35k minimum and $55k average salaries + benefits - 32 game schedule. Also, expect a new name for the leagueWhen it comes to Women’s Hockey, everyone has opinions. Most curious to us are those who are upset that the PWHPA is starting a new league instead of trying to merge with the existing PHF. Our question to them is why tho? Professional sports are just as privy to the quandaries of capitalism, and expecting no conflicts or competition is just silly. Most of the major sports leagues did not have a happy-go-lucky ethical approach to their rise in prominence - so why should we expect the same from any other league?
Additionally, Gaby would like y’all to know that Hilary Knight is still the only white girl who could ruin her life.
Trevor Zegras and The Consequences of a Being Good
A message to Jay Beagle: Nobody deserves to be punched in the mouth because you can’t keep up, loser.
In case you’ve missed it, Jay Beagle cross-checked Trevor Zegras for being too skilled against the Coyotes and then proceeded to beat up on an unengaging Troy Terry. During the altercation, Tyler Nash (a former player apparently??) of the Coyotes’ broadcast went on to say one of the most embarrassing things we’ve ever heard a grown man utter:
“That’s the problem with these young players. You wanna embarrass guys? You wanna skill it up? You better be prepared to get punched in the mouth.”
“That’s the problem with these young players. You wanna embarrass guys? You wanna skill it up? You better be prepared to get punched in the mouth.” Coyotes broadcast applauds Jay Beagle cross-checking Trevor Zegras/beating Troy Terry senseless. Embarrassing commentaryThere are just so many things to touch on here, like what this says about hockey culture, etc. But we would like to point out that Nash was talking about the Arizona Coyotes. You know, the same organisation set to play in a college rink and being kept alive by a combination of Divine Intervention and Gary Bettman’s stubbornness. Jay Beagle is also 36 years old, so maybe some self-reflection is in order.
It’s so funny because hockey players rely on the notion that they are perceived as those tough guys that will fight to defend the honour of the sport. However, as soon things don’t go their way, they go around letting everyone know their feelings got hurt because a talented player scored and chirped them. Ironic.
We’re glad Trevor did not take kindly to Beagle’s actions and went on camera to give his thoughts. We love feral young players, lol.
"You don't punch a guy when he's down. Especially a 32-goal scorer in the NHL who is a superstar... It's humiliating, and I think he should be f------ punished." Trevor Zegras rips Jay Beagle for fighting Troy Terry. Agree or disagree? 🤔Even two weeks later, Mr. Nash has been trying to hold onto newfound relatively temporary relevancy; he’s doubled down on his take, going on the Cam and Strick Podcast and saying that “Zegras had been warned.”
Give it up, my guy.
Ryan Hartman Flipping Off Evander Kane
On Tuesday, April 12th, Ryan Hartman flipped off Evander Kane after a scrum during a Wild vs Oilers game. The next day, he got fined $4,250 for his unsportsmanlike conduct. Until then, it was just another Wednesday. The mess started when we learned that people were sending money to Ryan Hartman to pay for his fine. The same man who said that if he was fined for his gesture, it’d be “well worth it.” We’re judging all of y’all.
While we understand that it was a desire for many people, we cannot fathom willingly sending money to a MILLIONAIRE who doesn’t need it. There are so many hockey organisations we love that could benefit from the $20 some of y’all threw for the laughs. The pettiness might be entertaining to some of y’all, but it definitely leaves a sour taste in our mouths.
We’re happy Ryan Hartman also saw the light and donated the money he received to Children’s Minnesota and matched the fine. Significantly better use of funds, in our opinion.
Official Venmo total $30,500! Still have direct donations to count. Thank you for everyone who participated for a great cause @childrensmn @mnwildSide-note from Perrye: I still can’t wrap my head around Gaby saying that Ryan Hartman is hot from certain angles.
From Gaby: Idk what to tell y’all *shrugs* He does lose points for saying he’s from Chicago when he actually grew up in WEST DUNDEE. That’s not even in the same county as Chicago, smh.
Pittsburg vs Philadepia
It’s okay; we can’t spell either TNT.
Whew. We had so much to say, but we didn’t want to take up Too Much of y’alls Monday. We’ll be posting a second newsletter this week on Thursday! Talk soon!
With Love,
Gaby and Perrye.