Hello everyone!
Welcome to the 2022-2023 NHL Season! (sad clown noises). Your friendly neighborhood haters are here to give you the most important predictions of the season. We’re going over the things that truly matter because who cares about stats anyway?
Breakout Season
Okay, we’re not basing this on any actual research other than we didn’t like how he was treated at the draft. Our pick for this season is Shane Wright. We would love to see him make all those rude ass people eat their words. Regardless of how his season goes, we’re rooting for him!
Perrye would like to add that she wouldn’t be surprised if his teammate, Matty Berniers, will have a breakout season and might become a Calder nominee. Listen, Seattle seems like the place to be!
The Flop Era
We are superstitious at THWL, so we’re not trying to put bad juju on anyone. However, the Tkachuk signing looks terrible for the Panthers if we pay attention to the signs of the universe. With the Flames locking down Weegar for the next eight years, they got the best return (short-term, at least). Also, we don’t think that Matthew Tkachuk playing with Sam Bennett will help the matter - the ice will look like a slip n slide.
The Revenge Tour
Listen, Jonny, we get it - we would have cussed out Bill Zito too.
With the pettiness that only a Quebeber (or a French-Canadian like Gaby loves to say) can have, we know that Huberdeau will have a fire under his derriere this season so people can finally put some respeck on his name. He’ll have Zito shaking and crying from his mistake.
The Media Darling
Last season, the NHL basically forced us to know who Trevor Zegras was after he scored that Michigan goal - so much so that he was put on the EA Sports NHL 23 cover along with Olympic record-breaking performance gold medalist Sarah Nurse.
However, after a really charming Calder award acceptance, people have caught on to what a great media presence Moritz Seider is. We’ve been saying that, though, so run us our money. We’re also looking forward to the return of the MoJoe show (although Perrye would prefer it if it were the Mo and Lucas show, tbh.)
The Missing Key
Whenever we have the opportunity to choose Anthony Duclair as an answer, we will use it, but seeing the standing ovation for Carey Price at yesterday’s Canadiens home opener game quickly overruled our initial answer.
Will he return to the game, or will he not… who knows? We do know that he will be missed on the ice by his teammates and fans.
This season’s new ~meow - meow~
We include this category because I - Gaby - told Perrye that Jack Hughes was TikTok’s little meow-meow, and we almost saw the end of To Hockey With Love. Let’s be clear, it’s not Jack Hughes; it’s the meow-meow part. So of course, I’m trying to incorporate it into as many conversations as possible.
Upon reflection, though, Jack isn’t really a meow-meow in the traditional sense. He just has that white boy band appeal. For this season, I’m going to go with Trevor Zegras and Jamie Drysdale of the Ducks. They have a bromance that will undoubtedly rival the intricate emotional soap opera of Travis Konecky and Nolan Patrick. Hey, it looks like the NHL propaganda worked.
The team who will be Hockey Twitter nemesis
The Oilers are going to be at the top of several lists, but not always for a good reason. No one can deny that they’ll be good, but the energy is so off that everyone will jump on the hater bandwagon. The not-really-underdogs in this category also include Tony DeAngelo’s Flyers (John Tortorella makes Gaby’s eye twitch) and the Lightning - because they’ve been too successful.
We would also include the Blackhawks here, but that would be like hating on someone outside the club - not even worth it.
The team that’s going to personally piss off Gaby & Perrye the most
Perrye: I decided to remove the Blackhawks from the running since they stay on her mind. They literally got condos in her head, so the next *obvious* answer is the Oilers. They got the perfect recipe (located in Alberta, McDavid and evil vibes) for her to be annoyed all season.
Gaby: What’s that saying? That there’s a “thin line between love and hate”? I think the Flames are going to make Perrye seeth more than once this season. It’s not even the team itself; she got beef with the front office. Between Darryl Sutter and Brad Treliving, there will be plenty of material to be upset about. May the dulcet tones of Huberdeau speaking Quebecois soothe her woes.
Team with the best vibes
It’s a well-known fact that Brady Tkachuk has been a fave at the THWL headquarters, so it tracks that the vibes of the captain got infectiously transmitted to the rest of the team. With the summer addition of Gaby’s meow-meow, Alex DeBrincat, Hockey Twitter’s favorite redhead dad and the numerous combinations of bromance duos you can create, the Senators have all the ingredients needed to be enjoyable.
Stanley Cup Winners
We’re not actually gonna choose one because we don’t want to speak it into existence. However, we’re almost positive that the Oilers will make it to the finals because this world has no justice. However, who they’re going up against is a bit more complicated. We think they will go up against either the Lightning (again) or the Pittsburgh Retirement Homes because Sidney Crosby is fueled by spite. If the Oilers win, Gaby will disappear straight up into the void.
We’re looking forward to seeing our predictions come true (or not) but for now, Happy Hockey Season, y’all!
With Love,
Perrye and Gaby