The Definitive Hockey Hotties List - Pt 2
Gather ye round to develop some Taste™
Listen y’all. We tried, okay? We applied our Rigorous Academic Process, scoured the internet, and even asked for help on Twitter. We had initially hoped to do much more… uhh… specific lists, but in a sport that is 97% white, there weren’t many folks to choose from. So we’ve had to, um, adjust. Hopefully, we can round this list out a little more in a couple of years. However, please rest assured that our tastes remain just as discerning.
In case you missed it, we published the first part of this series during Black History Month. If you don’t see your fave on the current list, don’t panic, they’re probably in part 1.
Without further ado, welcome To the Definitive Hockey Hotties List - the second edition!
7. Nick Suzuki
The next Habs superstar (and probable captain, according to Perrye) takes number seven on our list. The young man is growing into his face, and for the better. His growing confidence is also working in his favor.
Let us all praise the hockey gods for making the Golden Knights trade him to the Canadiens.
6. Jason Robertson
Here at THWL, we still think he deserved to win the Calder Trophy last year. However, seeing him thrive but not get the recognition and attention he deserves frustrates us so much, and we would like this to be fixed immediately.
On top of being incredibly tall, handsome, *and* charismatic, he also happens to be a 40-goal scorer and the first player in Dallas Stars history to record hat-tricks in consecutive games. As only the third hockey player of Filipino descent to play in the NHL, we’re literally watching history being written.
Can you imagine the whole new demographic the league would be reaching if they started to market the sport around this young man? Let’s use the momentum, people!
Until the league hears our pleas, we’re simply demanding more fancams.
5. Ethan Bear
While it’s unfortunate that he’s in Carolina of all places, some might say it’s a step up from Edmonton. We’re just happy to know that he can prosper in an environment where he isn’t constantly subject to racist comments after games.
His willingness to pay it forward and be an important voice when discussing issues touching the indigenous community adds to the appeal. A hot man who cares about social issues, what more can someone ask?
4. Carey Price
First and foremost, we’re so happy that he’s back and feeling healthy. We hope this next season goes well for him! That being said, there was no doubt in our minds that he was going on the list. It’s hard to explain his hotness; his whole aura exudes a je ne sais quoi that has garnered many a devout fan across the sport. Maybe it’s the smolder? We don’t know, but we’ll take it.
3. Nazem Kadri
Nazem is our ride-or-die. He’s our OG hockey hottie. We’ve been rooting for him for ages, and we’re so glad to see his resurgence this year. He’s third on the list because he’s one of those dudes that get better looking with age. We appreciate it. We also appreciate the videos of Leafs’ players dancing Lebanese dabke at his wedding. Enjoy!
2. Jujhar Khaira
The man is fine; what else can we say? Mr. Khaira is growing the game by going viral every two business days for a reason. Actually, we could have probably done an entire newsletter just on the replies his pictures get. Hey, if the hockey thing doesn’t work out, modeling or posting thirst traps on Instagram would work as well (and probably pay better).
1. Paul Kariya
Y’all knew this was coming. Neither of us was into hockey or old enough when Paul Kariya was playing, but just seeing old clips of him is enough to set our hearts aflutter. Honestly, just thinking about how obsessed we would have been as teenagers in the 90s is embarrassing. Incredibly skilled, nice and aging impeccably? What more can we ask for? We know he’s living his best-retired life surfing and chilling on the beaches of California, but we also wouldn’t mind if he came back to help fix the game.
HATER MOMENT OF THE WEEK: The CHL being the worst as always.
The Canadian Hockey League announced on Wednesday, April 27th, that aside from those on the CHL protected list, Russian and Belarusian players were ineligible for the upcoming draft, which made everyone (minus Don Cherry, probs) perplexed at the decision.
As Gaby mentioned in the issue "Hockey, Media, and the Ukraine Crisis,": "Giving (Russia) the opportunity and power to keep players in their country is precisely what they would like."
If you google search CHL + lawsuits, you have hours of reading, so it's incredibly hypocritical that the CHL has suddenly developed principles and morals.
I know a league that’s dealing with a toxic hockey culture, and a backlog of complaints and lawsuits waiting on their desk isn't on the internet acting like they have integrity.
They can't even deal with the racism, sexual assault, xenophobia, abuse, etc happening in their own backyard, but suddenly they draw a line? With children who absolutely have no part in this war?
If the CHL is so worried about players' security and well-being, why wouldn’t they welcome them with open arms and hope they grow in an environment where these players can develop and thrive?
To be fair, it's not like they were gonna be able to offer that supposed safe environment anyway. This is nothing but a terribly misguided attempt at making some nationalist statement. Gross.
In case you missed our latest edition of Other Thoughts:
Shit I’m Obsessed With This Week:
I feel like it’s been a while since I told you what I’m obsessed with, so bear with me because I have a lot to say - Perrye
Big Brother Canada - season 10
In response to the lack of diverse representation on television, CBS enacted a policy whereby at least 50% of the cast must be a racialized person starting with the 2021–22 broadcast season on reality shows. Canada took the same approach for the last two seasons, and it’s been a joy to watch. The suspense, the backdoor exits, the drama; inject it in my veins.
Logan & Cove Luxury Hybrid Pillow-Top Mattress
I was on the search for a new mattress for weeks which quickly became a full-time job. I spent hours reading all the websites, watched review videos, and made comparisons between various models. I finally landed on the Logan & Cove, a mattress in a box from the company GoodMorning, which I’ve been testing for a while, and now I can say at the moment, I don’t regret my choice.
Maren Morris: Tiny Desk (Home) Concert
Although Gaby loves making fun of me for listening to music country, I will not be ashamed of having a taste. I was so excited to watch her new Tiny Desk Concert, especially with her live reenactment of The Bones. Maren always gives us a master’s class in songwriting. It was a perfectly constructed and delivered set. Must watch!
A whole lotta Quebec tv shows:
Aller Simple on Crave
Noovo put their spin on Agatha Christie’s book “And Then There Were None” with great actors from Caroline Dhavernas to Luc Picard. I binged that limited series in one day.
Une autre histoire on Tou.TV
I finally sat down and watched the show’s series finale, and it broke me in two. I’ll spare you the photo, but let me tell you *ugly cry* x 1000.
Florence Longpré - actress, writer
She is the genius behind the three following shows.
M’entends-tu? on Netflix
Audrey est revenue on Club Illico
Au temps des framboises on Club Illico
I binge-watched both shows last weekend, and it’s honestly peak-quality TV. Her unique pen breaks the conventional mold of Quebec television, and she constantly tackles local issues to open up on universal themes such as poverty, seasonal farmers and more. Her work deserved to be more acknowledged.
Les bracelets rouges on TVA
I know I’m probably the only one who watched the US version named “Red Band Society” with Octavia Spencer and Mandy Moore in 2014 and was obsessed with it. I sobbed when I heard about the cancellation. However, much like Quebec’s politics, the industry is so behind, so we’re just now getting their adaptation of the Catalan show “Polseres vermelles.” It was worth the wait because it’s incredible! The heroes are not the doctors as we usually see, but the young patients are going through the ups and downs of adolescence while dealing with severe illnesses. Un bijou!
Hope y’all are having fun doing your Playoffs bracket!
With love,
Perrye & Gaby