The Definitive Hockey Hotties List - Pt 1
Doing the lord’s work
Have you ever had a friend who talks about a player like, “omg he’s SO cute” then they pull up a picture, and it’s the blandest man you’ve ever seen? Literally, just Some Guy? Well, no worries, like a good Leo and Gemini friendship would, we’re here to help y’all develop some Taste™.
Listen, this isn’t some after-hours, giggly conversation you have with your friends about players. We went through a Rigid Academic Process to come up with this ranking. Debates and passionate appeals abounded. How our friendship survived, we’ll never know.
Without further ado, let’s take a look at the Top 10 Hottest Black Hockey Players of All Time:
10. Quinton Byfield
We spent days debating Quinton Byfield for different reasons. Unlike Gaby, Perrye wasn’t totally sold on this rookie from the L.A. Kings until she saw the NHL Network interview.
She realized that she was too harsh on Mr. Byfield, and not only is she seeing it for him now, but she’s also hearing it. What a great voice!!! Plus, Quinton’s advantage is that he still has the opportunity to grow into his face. Here, at the “To Hockey, With Love” headquarters, we see the vision.
9. J.T. Brown
Congrats to Ms. Lexi Brown for having a handsome husband, and thank you for doing us a solid by sharing him with the world. The current color analyst for the Seattle Kraken has a certain “je ne sais quoi.” Is it the a) flow, b) the nose-piercing, c) the nerdiness, d) his great sense of fashion or e) all the above? Who knows, but bless him!
8. Pierre-Oliver Joseph
The taller, younger brother of the Josephs with a burgeoning sense of style leaves a mark on us every time the Penguins call him up to play in the big league. He lost points because his captain is Sidney Crosby, and y’all know how Gaby feels about that man.
7. K’Andre Miller
We debated putting him on here because he was born after 1999 and, therefore, a child in our minds (mainly Gaby because Perrye is #young) for the rest of eternity. However, this newsletter is for The People, and some of you may have been born after that year too. That square jaw and great eyelashes cannot be denied. The bromance with Lafrenière also adds to the appeal.
6. Oliver Kylington
*Body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody*
If there’s one thing the Calgary Flames will do (if nothing else) is gonna have a Black player in their lineup. This Swedish-Eritrean defenceman is the latest addition, and let us tell you that he doesn’t disappoint. Also, having Johnny Oduya as a mentor gives him points for hotness by association.
5. Mathieu Joseph
This back-to-back Stanley Cup champion got great hair and an even better smile. Plus, he always dresses to impress. What more to ask?!
Also, he made history by being part of the first all-Black forward line in NHL history on the Tampa Bay Lightning last season.
4. Justin Bailey
Listen, we tried to write about this man in a way that highlighted some of his other accomplishments. But alas, we simply had to agree that he was just hot, ok? Like congrats on the face! Great eyebrows and a beard that is *almost* perfect.
3. Givani Smith
Givani Smith is 6’2 which exists on the spectrum of Perfect Height™. Though the sample size on his Instagram is small, it sure looks like he’s one of the most naturally stylish hockey players out there. Also, Gaby would have given him the number one spot if this list wasn’t a joint effort. That’s truly an accomplishment. Good for him!
2. Anthony Duclair
As Flo Milli would say, “Small Waist, Pretty Face, With a Big Bank”!!
Our Quebecois Haitian KING (or at least Perrye’s) has the honor of taking the number two spot. We’re so happy to see him thriving in Florida, and that other folks get to experience one of the strongest suit games in the league. We’re also so incredibly proud of his fades—best hair in the game—major props to whoever does his line ups.
1. Johnny Oduya
When he’s not lounging around being gorgeous and retired, Johnny Oduya spends his time on different wellness-related ventures back home in Sweden. As we debated who to add to this list, there was no doubt that the defenceman was taking home the #1 spot. It really does take some skill and a shitload of great genes to age and get even Hotter. 10/10, No notes.
Honorable Mention: Willie O’Ree
Listen, we may not be the most virtuous people to ever walk this earth, but even we have some limits. Mr. O’Ree gets an honorable mention because being an incredible person and eternally fashionable deserves recognition. Mr. O’Ree will also be receiving the Congressional Honor Medal - the first hockey player to ever do so! An incredible addition to his already impressive list of accomplishments. Also, we would have totally gone out to get a milkshake with a young Willie O’Ree.
Other Thoughts (by Perrye but co-signed by Gaby):
Rocky Wirtz and the Chicago Blackhawks: In a spectacular effort to be the forever bane of our existence, the Chicago Blackhawks are making us write about them on Black History Month.
Y’all, what the actual fuck happened at the town hall?!
I’m literally speechless at the videos of Rocky Wirtz losing his shit over the legitimate questions from Mark Lazerus and Phil Thompson. How did you not expect these questions to come up after one of the biggest NHL scandals of the last decade, and how are you not prepared to answer them?
Honestly, we worried about his cardiovascular health for a second. Maybe he should consider taking a break or something. Hiring a crisis comms firm should also be their next priority because chile, as a P.R. girl, they’re doing everything wrong.New Jersey Devils: Y’all talk an awful lot of shit; then suddenly, it’s tweet deleted…
A screenshot of Pete Blackburn’s deleted tweet about the Devils’ “Lunar New Year” jersey Isn’t it ironic that so many white people were willing to see “nazi banners” on the gorgeous New Jersey Devils Lunar New Year Jerseys, but then it’s crickets when it comes to actual racist issues in hockey?
We are talking about a tradition that appeared centuries before Christ. And just like that, they imposed their white and inaccurate western perspective. They turned a once-a-year moment where the AAPI community feels seen and appreciated in this league into a disrespectful discourse that could have been solved by googling the culture some of them clearly don’t know anything about. It’s an insult to the Taiwanese-American artist Caren King Choi who designed the jersey, and anyone celebrating the Lunar new year.
Commissioner Gary Bettman
As I mentioned earlier, I’m #young, so you could imagine the shock I had when I learned that Gary Bettman has been the commissioner for 29 years?!? Maybe we should consider term limits so the grandpas of the sports can retire with their enormous bank account. Anyway, when it’s time to eat the rich, you’ll know where to find me!
Arizona Coyotes moving to a COLLEGE stadium that seats 5k fans is so embarrassing. I’m pretty sure I had more people showing up to my dance competitions in high school.
Shit I’m Obsessed With This Week:
GOOD GIRL GONE MOM
Ms. Rihanna announced to the world that she was having a child. Her pregnancy shoot was truly amazing and will be recreated for the years to come.
However, I’m still looking for someone to photoshop A$AP Rocky’s hand out of this gorgeous picture, though. If you’re that person, holla at @perryedseraphin.
My Manduka PRO™ Yoga Mat and the fitness account Grow With Jo on YouTube
I purchased this yoga mat back in 2019 when I challenged myself to do yoga every day for a year. I needed a sustainable mat that wouldn’t rip after three sweat sessions as my previous ones did. I decided to invest in a Manduka, and I don’t regret it. I’ve been training on it five times a week for the past two years, and this yoga mat still looks as fresh as the day I bought it. You love to see it!
Talking about this mat made me realize how grateful I was to discover a fitness account like Grow With Jo that made exercising fun again for me. Her “Walk the Weight Off” or “Torch in 10” videos have been faves of mine.
These bops
If you were to ask me what I thought about these songs last week, I would be cackling in your face because some lyrics are *interesting*. After re-listening to them, I opened my third eye and saw the genius in them. Since then, they went platinum in my house.
Sneaky Link - Muni Long
Material Girl - Saucy Santana
Megan’s Piano - Megan Thee Stallion
Happy Black History Month!
With love,
Perrye & Gaby