Allô, Hello, ¡Hola! We skipped Tuesday’s issue because “on était dans le jus,” as we say in Québécois. We will be back to our regular programming next week.
This week’s issue is a little different because we are celebrating our very own Gabriela (for the intimates), co-founder and writer of To Hockey, With Love.
We’ve been friends for so long that I could write a whole essay on what an intelligent, funny and passionate human being Gaby is. However, instead of boring you with clichés and telling you about her bad influence, I decided to interview her. You’ll read some cursed mixed with chaotic answers, which is what makes her charming.
Get ready to know Gaby under a not-so-different light!
How did you start watching hockey?
It was totally accidental! In 2012 I was working and studying abroad when I met a Leafs’ fan who was like, “Oh, Chicago has a good team. I was like …okay, and moved on with my life because who cares about hockey. When I got back, I fell into a really terrible depression (lol), and my momma threatened me with the grippy socks, so I started seeing a therapist. I started doing EMDR (highly recommend if you gotta do trauma work), and that shit was exhausting. I’ve never been so tired from doing nothing but talking. One day I got home, and there was a game on TV, and I was like, oh, they’re supposed to be good, and that was that. I would go to therapy and come home just in time to catch games. It was really nice. Later, I worked with an organization that worked with the Blackhawks. Then, John McDonough pissed me off in a meeting one time and thus became my journey to become the most insufferable hockey fan ever.
What’s the one thing in hockey that is supposed to make sense but doesn’t?
Icing. I’ve had So Many People try to explain it to me, but I still don’t understand. My brain simply rejects that information.
What would be your go-to outfit if you were a WAG?
Do you know how down bad I would have to be to willingly go to my SO’s place of employment on a semi-regular basis? Levels never seen before by humanity. But basically, a mix between every Bratz Doll looks from the early aughts, Clueless, and 90s Chanel. To give you an idea of who I really am, I carry an emergency pair of gold hoops at all times.
What’s your conspiracy theory in the sport?
I have so many, but most of them would probably get me sued. But Morgan Rielly activates my flight or fight instinct, so I’m convinced he’s part of the Get Out universe. Also, I think Stan Bowman signed that Seth Jones contract with the intention of screwing over the Blackhawks in the long term.
Perrye’s note: Among the non-included are Jonathan Toews “allegedly” being a cult member, The Leafs & The Blackhawks having a powerful curse put on them and Patrick Maroon making a deal with the devil.
You know that I’m a Love Island fan, so I had to put a question related to the show. If you had to couple with one NHLer at the recoupling ceremony, who would it be and why?
Okay, I would have said Chris Kreider with complete confidence, but I just found out he’s from Massachusetts, so now I’m not so sure. Maybe Dylan Larkin because he’s a Good Michigan Boy, and I’m a midwestern gal at heart.
What’s your favorite non-hockey thing about being a hockey stan (ex: ranking the WAGs jackets, it’s hockey-adjacent)?
Hmmm, I feel like I should say the community we’ve been building, but the real answer is the gossip, hahaha.
Speaking of gossip… For those who are not on Hockey Twitter, we’ve been cackling about a specific DeuxMoi submission concerning a hockey captain who keeps a spreadsheet of his sexual partners.
So, who is your choice as the spreadsheets guy?
I don’t have an answer, BUT I don’t believe it’s Toews or Benn. Chicago is not that big of a city, and all the gossip gets out. I don’t think people are lining up for Benn like that. Also, he had double hip surgery, and I feel like 4-5 people per night would definitely aggravate some type of injury. I feel like it’s an older or maybe former captain. Time to put our investigative skills to use, babes.
Your fave…
Fave hobby: gardening and my hockey book collection
Fave dish: my dad makes some arroz con frijoles that I would eat everyday if possible
Fave word: Bitch said in varying tones to convey different meanings. Such a versatile word.
Fave book: Oh, this one is hard!
Hockey specific: Crossing the Line by Laura Robinson was my intro to the sociology of the sport. It helped me understand the issues in hockey as systemic.
Fiction: I read shockingly little amounts of serious fiction as an adult! I love a good who-dun-it or a romance novel. I want the escapism, haha. Percy Jackson series for YA.
Non-fiction: Ain’t I A Woman? Black women and feminism by bell hooks was my first venture into the notion of liberation as a teen. More recently, I really loved How We Get Free: Black Feminism and the Combahee River Collective by Keeanga-Yamantha Taylor.
Fave sports movie: Does She’s The Man count as a sports movie??
Fave sports tv show: Justice for Pitch!!! It was so ahead of its time!! I would do anything for a second season
Favorite hockey scandal: ooooh Marty Brodeur for sure. If you google “uncle daddy hockey” (I couldn’t remember his name), he comes up, lmao.
Chica, shoutout to his ex-wife because cheating is one thing, but cheating on me in my home? With my children there? You better hope you can run fast 🏃🏽♀️
Favorite player (all-time & since you started to watch): Paul Kariya all-time. I really wish I could have seen him play. I would have definitely been a teenage hormonal mess about it all.
I don’t have a modern-day fave because I’ve learned the hard way. I have players I tolerate and who I refuse to look up so that I can’t be disappointed. Ignorance is Bliss.
Hockey friends suggested Jonathan Toews, which first of all is so rude, and second of all would have been accurate in, like, 2016. Now he’s my nightmare white man because, you know, everything that happened but also because he looks like he’d talk about psychedelics and crypto in the same conversation. We all make mistakes sometimes. Actually, I also really liked Corey Crawford when I first started watching??
(Perrye’s note: Why the interrogation point, are you not sure?)
Your favorite media person among the ones who haven’t blocked you: I’ve been behaving!!! Also, I need someone to petition Rick Westhead to unblock me because it’s so inconvenient. Definitely Katie Strang, but I have a soft spot for some Chicago beat writers.
Rapid fire questions
I like that you think I can give a straightforward answer. Love that faith in me - Gaby
A skill you wish you had: shutting the fuck up
Most played song: Right now, it’s Enseñame a Bailar by Bad Bunny and Dickmatized by Jada Kingdom
Current trend you love: idk, any and all gay shit
Most iconic TV show of all time: The masterpiece that is the 1985 Anne of Green Gables tv mini-series. Willing to forgive the Atlantic provinces for it alone.
Something you’re afraid of: NHLer hairlines
Your first concert: Sesame Street Live! That shit was dope, so I’m counting it.
What is your go-to lazy dinner: A Caprese sandwich with fresh pesto from the garden or a protein shake
An “old” person thing you do: I’ll sit on the couch with a cup of tea and watch British procedurals like an 80-year-old retiree.
Shit she’s obsessed with - Perrye’s perspective!
As we’ve been spending lots of hours doing editorial meetings, writing till the early hours or even Facetiming just for fun, I’ve been constantly catching glimpse of Gaby’s universe.
Telling people she’s from Chicago first, and then she’s Latina.
Medium ugly men
Hilary Knight
Her Zoo
I started to call Gaby’s pets “The Zoo” because there is always a circus in the background when we’re chatting. What began with one (1!) wanted adoption is now a whole company (3 dogs, 3 cats, and a Macaw). My favorite is the newest addition of the pack (Yami the Black Cat), who’s been telling the world she’s horny for the past week. (In her defense, she can’t be spayed yet!! - Gaby)
This slide would be my ideal gift as an honorary auntie to her Zoo.
Bad Bunny
Is it a good time to come out and say that Bad Bunny is simply not doing it for me? However, for Gaby, this man is her fave artist to shake her ass to. The kind of obsession where if she hasn’t mentioned him once during a conversation, you’re wondering if she’s having an off-day or simply hasn’t taken her ADHD meds. It’s constantly Bad Bunny, this; Bad Bunny, that... You can’t escape it! I’m also pretty sure she’s currently thinking of ways on how she can be added to his roster. Don’t stop believing, bestie!
Diet Coke (that will turn her into an X-Men)
It’s her drink of preference. To understand the mindset behind this choice, I will leave you with this TikTok that I saw and had me do a double-take because I heard the same speech coming from Ms. Ugarte’s mouth.
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The Gaby Space, aka adding an unwanted space to docs!!!
If Gaby does nothing else, one thing she will do is add a random extra space for no reason when she’s writing her articles. For this reason, I created my own game called “How many Gaby’s spaces imma correct today while editing?” It’s not really a conscious obsession but memorable enough to get a spot on the list.
This is all fun and games, but more seriously wish my amazing friend a very happy birthday and a remarkable year in advance loaded with blessings and success.
Here’s to you and many more trips around the sun, Gaby. Happy birthday!
Perrye